Home > Blog > Uncategorized > What is love? Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me no more: Part 1

So I decided to name this post after a 1993 song for two reasons. First, its a stinkin awesome song! If you haven’t heard go download it and dance the night away. Secondly, (and obviously more important because I am not going to write about dancing anymore), is the fact that most of the people reading this website are in the young adult category. Seeing as the majority of people I work and talk with are young and that I myself am a young person, this question about what is love comes up pretty frequently. Everyday, I either hear or see someone struggling with this question as far as dating goes. So I wanted to share some of my perspectives on this topic. Obviously, we will need to look to the Bible for our ultimate guidance with this question.

When I first started writing this I was hoping to make it into one post, but instead I thought I would make it a 3 week series in order to be a little more thorough. So in order to talk about dating, I thought I would break it up into a men’s and women’s section and then close with the whole purpose behind dating and marriage. Again, I am no expert! I am just a young person looking for answers to questions. I hope my insights can help some of you who are looking but feel like you are still not finding. I also hope that as we seek we would look first and foremost to Jesus Christ.

I will start with the ladies because I want to be a gentleman, (guys take note!). Now I am not a woman so I can only speak from my perspective. Ladies, if what I say here is way off base, then let me know. But ladies also remember, this is the perspective I have. Whether or not this is reality, this is the image that I feel most girls put off and thus how most guys feel about them.

I feel like girls naturally have a deeper level of insecurity than boys. Thus, many girls look at dating and marriage as a type of security blanket that can protect them. In China, this is why young girls will marry much older men. It is usually not for money, but rather that these older men have jobs, homes, cars, etc. The older men look like a much safer and secure choice than a young man just out of college looking for work. I also feel that because of this, many girls rush ahead and like the first guy that gives them attention. Instead of waiting to find the right person, many young girls fear being alone forever and thus date a guy who is not good for them. Also, I feel like girls, in order to find a guy, spend much of their time worrying about what others think of them. Why do girls like to be told they look good? Men don’t usually seem to need that reassurance, yet because women have a deeper insecurity they are constantly comparing and worrying.

So what advise do I have for the girls out there? First, girls you need to guard your heart. Don’t just fall in love with the first guy who gives you attention. Proverbs 4:23 says “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flows the springs of life” and Song of Solomon 8:4 says “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you do not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” This is obviously a problem for girls, (which is why you see daughters and not sons in verse 4), and something that girls need to remember as they look to date. Just because a boy asks you doesn’t mean you need to date or marry him. Girls, it is ok to have some standards in what kind of guy you are looking for. Even if the guy seems really great, keep that guard up because men are masters of acting polite at the beginning in order to get what they want in the end.

Secondly, instead of spending so much time and energy worrying about your appearance, spend more time on your character. A great place to read is Proverbs 31:10-31. Take special note of verse 30: “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Girls, you may look outwardly beautiful now, but that won’t always be the case. Add 20-30 years and you most likely won’t be quite as good looking as you are today. Again, this is why girls are always comparing. I usually don’t hear about girls comparing themselves with other girls on generosity or servanthood. Rather, it is about hair, style, and whose butt is bigger. I feel like this worry is demonic and causes women to be preoccupied with things that will ultimately fade away. Yes girls need to keep up their appearance, but I don’t feel they need to be so preoccupied with it. Don’t find your value in your appearance, find your value in Jesus.

Thirdly, my personal advise for girls is that you find a balance between guarding your heart and getting to know boys. I feel like it is the man’s responsibility to pursue and ask a girl out, so ladies, let the men do their jobs. But I also feel like many Christian girls have gone to the opposite extreme. It’s not good to be a flirt, but it’s also not good to be cold. Spend time with boys in groups. Be friends with boys and with girls. Let’s stop saying the whole, “I am dating Jesus” thing. It sounds ridiculous and silly. Guard your heart, but do so in a way that builds up the body of Christ. But also remember that these men are your brothers. Again, don’t isolate yourself with any guy except your husband, but group activities and study’s with groups of boys and girls is a great way to get to know the opposite sex.

Lastly, I feel like the root of insecurity is a lack of desire in Jesus alone. Ladies, is Jesus enough for you? I mean is Jesus really enough? I know God has put a motherly instinct into the hearts of women, but that doesn’t mean that we change the Gospel. The Gospel does not say Jesus and a husband, children or beauty. The truth of the Gospel is that Jesus is more than enough for us. Check out Matthew 11:28: “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Jesus doesn’t say go find a husband and you will find rest. He doesn’t say have children and that will be enough. Jesus says HE alone is enough. So ladies, my last bit of advise is that you would seek Jesus alone. Stop looking for a boyfriend or husband in order to be satisfied. If you think those things will fill this lonely feeling you have now you are wrong. Jesus is enough and HE alone can satisfy you. So ladies, if you struggle with insecurity and loneliness, come to Jesus. Come and see that Jesus is more than enough for you and all your needs and longings.

So I tried to be delicate with the ladies out there. Men, you are next week and I will not be as nice. So get ready guys cause I have a lot to say to you all next week!

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